Never Goes Away
by Zarayna
Summary: Zarayna's inner shadow has been released, and again he must conquer it, or risk being possessed once more.  Note: This is a character from a Text Based Role Playing Game, not the character in Monster.


**Authors note:** A short introduction is needed for you to understand this.

In this story, the character is Zarayna from the BZPRPG, not the Zarayna of my epics. This is a short backstory:

It all starts in Bo-Kiri, with a small Toa of iron wearing odd camouflage armor waking up in a back ally, with no memory of anything except his name - Zarayna - and a few broken memories. With no other way to survive, he is forced to work as an assassin.

During a battle between the Toa inhabitants and Matoran snipers, he meets Thornak and his Toa Sherus, who attack him at the sight of him killing a sniper. They finally see reason, as fighting well there are several dozen snipers ready to kill you is like suicide, and they escape along with two people he meets there: Veef, a Toa of gravity and Mars, a Fe-Matoran. However they soon return to aid the helpless Toa. Zarayna kills almost a dozen Matoran snipers, getting his new comrades quite mad at him. While recuperating on board the ship of a Toa of iron they met during the battle, he keeps on getting flashbacks of how he first came to Bo Kiri. A little while later he runs off, back to where he first woke up. With Thornak following him mentally. He finds there a Toa named Rayzak who reveals to be the person who did this to him. Shocked by this, Zarayna is easily overcome and defeated. However Thornak and his Toa team arrive to turn the tide. Zarayna manages to brake free, and, possessed by a berserk rage, mortally wounds Rayzak. Arthaz, a member of Botar species, quickly teleports them back to Rayzak's lab, where the Toa is healed.

A long series of battles follows, ending with Zarayna again being captured. Rayzak wipes his mind and replaces it with a warped version, in which Zarayna's comrades tried to kill him. Aided by another one of Rayzak's assassin - Lafi - he attacks them, and is defeated. Being rescued by Arthaz. He manages to recover his memories, and Rayzak is forced to wipe his mind yet again, and knock him out before placing him in Lafi's fighter. He manages to break free, and goes to the Forbidden realms where he meets his comrades again. Thornak uses his telepathy to restore Zarayna's memories, but in the process releases Zarayna's memories of before he was captured by Rayzak. And with it a demon that had been lurking inside Zarayna's mind, bound only by Zarayna's strength of will. Zarayna leaves them, needing to get himself together. And this is where the story begins.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any locations in this story - they belong to the BZPRPG. Nor do I own Thornak, who is Toatc's, used with permission. The song is Figure.09 by Linkin Park, and belongs to them.

_**Never goes away  
**_

* * *

...Zarayna sighed. His life felt like it was being turned inside out repeatedly during the last few days. But here, away from everyone he felt at peace for once. but his thoughts continued to run through his head. He felt like killing that meddling Toa who had released his memories. _And some people think that having your memories back is a good thing?_ he asked himself. Then he calmed himself down. It was not Thornak's fault, it had been an accident.

...Zarayna was sitting on a small slope, well away from everyone. A rasping sound came from where he was sharpening one of his wrist blades.

Yet he could not keep his memories from flooding him.

_Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them  
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening  
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when  
I think of how I shot myself in the back again._

Metru Nui

...A figure walked down a street. He could hear the gasps of Matoran and Toa alike at his sight. He cared not, he was past caring. Yet his red tinged ice blue eyes still glared at them. He could hear the whispers.  
..."Heard he murdered his entire team."  
..."Isn't that guy the one who butchered an entire village of Matoran?"  
..."Heard he murdered an entire Toa fortress. Ugh, what a Piraka."

_'Cause from the infinite words I could say I  
Put all pain you gave to me on display  
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

...And yet still the short Toa strode on, ignoring their whispers. Madness could almost be seen glimmering in his eyes. And still the whispering continued.  
..."Why hasn't someone called the Vahki on him, I wonder?" He resisted the urge to throttle that speaker. He knew that if he did that, the Vahki would indeed be called. Instead he continued walking, noting the Matoran down for a later date. He was lost in thought still. So lost in thought in fact, that when a hand descended onto his arm he jumped. He found himself looking into the eyes of a Toa of fire, a no nonsense look on his great Matatu. The small Toa smiled.  
..."Is there something you want?" he asked. A grim smile crossed the other Toa's face.  
..."In fact there is. You're under arrest for the murder of eight Toa and at least a dozen Matoran. Now are you going to come quietly or will I-" The Toa's voice was cut off by a gasp as the small Toa drove a dagger into his heartlight.

_(Never goes away)  
(Never goes away)_

...There was a shocked silence. The small Toa drew his katana with a wolvish grin.  
..."Come on! Who wants next?" He watched as everyone began edging away from him. Then he stepped forwards and grabbed the Matoran who had been wondering when someone would call the Vakhi by his neck.  
..."How about this hero before me?" he asked to no one in particular. The Matoran was alternating between screaming for help and begging for mercy. A cruel smile flitted across the Toa's face as he raised his blade. A moment later the Matoran's head was sent spinning away.

_(And now)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be right here)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be my fear)  
(I can't separate)  
(Myself from what I've done)  
(Giving up a part of me)  
(I've let myself become you)_

...That murder shocked the Matoran into action. Namely running away in terror. A grin lit the Toa's face.  
..."Go on, run you cowards!" he yelled, the almost demonic grin still on his face.  
..."Excuse me, murderer. May I have a word with you?" The Toa spun around, coming face to face with another Toa of fire. He laughed.  
..."What, more crazed fire Toa thinking that they can beat me?"

_Hearing your name the memories come back again  
I remember when it started happening  
I see you in every thought I had and then  
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them  
And I knew as they escaped away  
I was committing myself to them and everyday  
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

The Toa smiled behind his Hau.  
..."Not one Toa." And at his words at least twelve other Toa stepped out from behind nearby building and other forms of cover.  
..."Now will you come quietly?" he asked. The grin didn't fade. Instead the small Toa zipped forwards, too fast to dodge, and slammed his fist into the Toa's Kanohi, sending it flying. And before any of the other Toa could react, he was gone.

_(Never goes away)  
(Never goes away)_

...Zaryna snapped back to reality, tears flowing down his mask at the memory. Could he ever leave this past behind him?  
..._**No. It will always haunt you, just as I will always haunt you. You will never be free, and deep down, Zarayna, you know that.**_ Zarayna almost screamed.  
..."Go away. I'm sick as Karz of you!" he gasped. There was an ominous chuckle inside his head. Then there was silence.

_(And now)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be right here)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be my fear)  
(I can't separate)  
(Myself from what I've done)  
(Giving up a part of me)  
(I've let myself become you)_

...Zarayna continued with his work, honing his blades until their edge was as sharp as a razor. Work was something he loved. A distraction he could not afford to live without.  
..._**What's the matter, can't face me on your own? You're weak, Zarayna, admit it.**_

_(Never goes away)  
(Never goes away)  
(Never goes away)  
(Never goes away)_

..._I am not weak! I am a Toa, not some sniffling Matoran!_ he screamed mentally. There was another laugh.  
..._** But what is a Toa but a Matoran with some powers. It all depends on you. And I'm afraid you just don't have it were it counts.**_ Zarayna would have gladly throttled him if he wasn't a spirit.  
..._Whether or not, I am still a hero!_ he shot back. He could almost feel the amusement of the demon inside him.

_(Get away from me)  
Give me my space back you gotta just  
(Go)  
Everything comes down the memories of  
(You)  
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you  
(Know)  
I let you go so get away from  
(Me)  
Give me my space back you gotta just  
(Go)  
Everything comes down the memories of  
(You)  
I've kept it but now I'm letting you  
(Know)  
I let you go_

_**You're no hero. Don't even try to delude yourself that way.**_ Zarayna's eyes blazed - becoming pure blue for a split second.  
_No, I'm just a wounded soldier. But that doesn't mean I can't become a hero. Now shut your mouth,_ he snapped mentally with more force then he had ever used before. And to his surprise, he felt something about his demon that he had never felt before. Fear. A smile broke out as he lashed forwards, emboldened by this feeling.  
_**Hah. You might think you've bested me. But remember, I'll always be your fear.**_ And his demon withdrew, leaving Zarayna free of his taint. At least for now.

_(And now)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be right here)  
(You've become a part of me)  
(You'll always be my fear)  
(I can't separate)  
(Myself from what I've done)  
(Giving up a part of me)  
(I've let myself become you)_

...And Zarayna walked away. Back to his friends, his comrades through many fights. He may have hurt them, he may have hurt himself, but it was time for a new beginning. A new future. And nothing could hold him back now.

He was free.

_I've let myself become you  
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you  
Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you_


End file.
